we’re going to be talking about how men fall in love and the one word you can use that actually facilitates that process, helps us fall in love faster and it’s what I call the alchemy of sex drive because how men fall in love is very, very, very different from how women fall in love .
it has to do with how we’re wired. So let’s take a quick glimpse into how a man’s brain is wired up.
A man’s brain is completely compartmentalized. It’s like a giant apartment complex and we have one apartment for each thing in our life.
We have one apartment for
- the money we make (our job),
- we have one apartment for seeing,
- one apartment for hearing,
- one apartment for eating,
- one apartment for our car,
- one apartment for you,
- a giant penthouse apartment for sex,
- an apartment for sports
- We have a little, mini studio apartment for our feelings.
And the trick is we can only be in one apartment at a time . They’ve done functional brain scans of men while they’re reading the newspaper and
the apartment that controls our hearing is completely separate from the compartment that controls our vision. So when we’re in our visual compartment, the compartment that controls
hearing is totally blank – like the dark. It’s literally like we’re deaf when we’re trying
to watch the TV or read a newspaper. Have you ever tried to get a man’s attention when he’s watching sports center? Right Highly difficult.
we can only be in one apartment at a time.
This is very, very different from a woman’s brain. A woman’s brain is completely connected, okay?
Where your job is connected to your car is connected to the money is connected to how you feel about yourself is connected to your girlfriends is connected to your relationship is connected to the clothes that you wear is connected to everything.
Your connection center – the corpus callosum right in betweenyour right hemisphere and left hemisphere – is bigger than a man’s. It’s up to
20% bigger than a man’s and it’s connected to everything. There’s a great book title
that says Men are Like Waffles, Woman is Like Spaghetti.
So your emotional area and your sexual area are super connected. So often, in a relationship,
you not only know – and this isn’t all the time, but this is sometimes (and the majority
of time) – women will know how they feel about a man much sooner than a man will know how he feels about a woman because the area that controls his sex drive is entirely on the opposite side of his brain from where his emotions are.
The sexual area of his brain is huge and the emotional area is tiny. It’s like saying the sexual area of his
brain is Miami and the emotional area of his brain is Seattle, right? Like that’s how
far apart they are. So I call this the law of Miami, because when
a man meets you, typically he’s in the sexual area of his brain, which is a good thing.
It means he’s attracted to you. Men do not marry women they’re not attracted to sexually,
right? So this is a good thing. You want him in Miami, so to speak. And I call this Mr.
Miami. You know, he sees you and he’s like, “Oh my goodness. Look at her. Look at her
hair, look at her eyes. She is gorgeous.” And let’s say this is a good guy, right?
We can feel this guy and we push him down, we say, “No.” And we come up, we try to
meet you, we’re like, “Hey.” You know, “My name’s Mat. What’s your name? Oh,
where are you from?” And he comes in and he says, “We do not care where she is from.
We want her to know where we are from.” You know, this guy has like these dueling
forces inside him. He has this big sex drive and then he also wants to be a good guy.
So this brings me to the one word that allows a man to fall in love with you because oftentimes
(and depending on the man and depending on his set of morals and whatnot), when he’s
going out with you, there’s this sexual energy. He’s wondering if he’s going to
get some action. And that word that allows him to fall in love is “no.” The word
is “no.” And the word “no” if you’re not going to sleep with him, you’re not
going to give it up until he signs your contract. Now, what is your contract? And I’m borrowing
that phrase from Dr. Pat Allen who’s brilliant. The whole concept is genius. Your contract
is what’s required to be with you before you will sleep with him, right? The status
of the relationship, right? What do you need in this relationship mentally and emotionally
before you will sleep with him? Do you want to be married before you will sleep with him?
You get to decide. These are your morals, your values. This is your contract. You get
to decide. Do you want to be married? Do you want to be in a committed monogamous relationship?
Or are you just out there to have fun, too? But you need to communicate that to him before
you jump in bed. When do you communicate that? When you’re both vertical and clothed. You’ve
got your clothes on. Talk about what’s required because it’s
going to be critical. Because what happens is this: He takes you out, tries to hook up,
you say no. Then he says, “Most girls say no one time.” So he takes you out again,
tries to hook up, you say no. He says, “Most girls say no twice,” so he takes you out
again. I don’t know how many times it takes, but eventually, he’ll come to this conclusion.
Every man does. If a woman doesn’t give it up, he’ll come to this conclusion and
say, “You know what? If I hang out with her again, I’m not going to get any action.
So the only reason I’m going to hang out with her is that I like her and I have
an emotional connection with her and she’s a cool chick. She’s a cool woman.”
So, at that point, he will travel out of Miami – out of his emotional apartment – and
he’ll travel all the way to Seattle, right? Which is where his emotional apartment is.
So he’ll go from his sexual apartment, excuse me, all the way to his emotional apartment
and figure out how he feels, and for some men, that’s a long trip. For some men, they
don’t check out Seattle very often. They’ll go all the way to the other side of this apartment
complex to that tiny studio apartment where his emotions are and he’ll go through questions.
He’ll say, you know, “Do I feel like a man around her? Do I want to be with her?
Do I have what it takes to make her happy?” All those questions that we go through as
men to decide, “How do I feel about this woman and am I willing to give up all the
other clubs in Miami in order to be with her? So there is a tremendous amount of energy
men have – that sexual energy. We have about twenty times more testosterone
than women do. Testosterone for both of us is what drives our sex drive. This is why
men want it more, typically. So that’s a huge amount of force and energy that you’re using.
By saying no, you’re saying, “Look, you want some of this than I need to have
this contract signed. I want monogamy, I want commitment, I want a deep emotional connection
– not even emotional; mentally, spiritually, I want to be connected with you.” That’s
a lot of motivation that he has to deliver that to you, and stating your want is also
one of the sexiest things a woman can do. One of the sexiest four-letter words a woman
can speak is w-a-n-t, is wanted. Because that’s providing a blueprint for us to be able to
deliver to you something that will make you happy. It triggers that in us.
So a lot of women ask, “So when is it okay to have this conversation?” Right? Usually,
it’s when he’s trying to get some action from you because that’s when you can let
him know, you know, what your status is and what your contract is. Don’t worry about
having this conversation because you’re never going to scare away a guy who doesn’t
want a commitment. If a guy is ready and he’s there in his life and you say that you want,
he’s like, “Okay.” But here’s the nuance: State is as what you want, not necessarily
as what you want with him. State it as what you want in your life.
The very first date I went on with my fiancée – it was our first date – after dinner,
we’re sitting in the car and she’s just talking about her life and she’s talking
about what she wants and I remember her saying –, “You know, I am so tired of
dating guys who just want to have fun and are not serious and not looking for anything
special because I really want something special. I want something serious. I want to have something
profound in my life.” And I remember looking at her going, “I might be able to give that to you. I don’t know. if you’re the one yet but I might be able to do that because of I kind of feel like I’m in the same place in my
life.” And it was so profound, and three and a half years later I proposed and we’re
getting married in August. So I can tell you firsthand that this stuff works. hope you have enjoyed so far on our topic of how men fall in love
So I hope you’ve enjoyed these three tips on how men fall in love, I hope they’ve enriched your life, and I encourage you to go out there and love openly, live fully, and really shine your true, authentic for more on how men fall in love and many other useful resources you can check our blog.
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