First of all, it is not necessarily a bad thing if your ex has moved on from the breakup. I know that there are a lot of people who are really concerned about their ex moving on, that they don’t want their ex to move on, that they don’t want their ex to be over the breakup.
but it’s actually a good thing if they’re able to emotionally move on because it means that they’re able to put the past in the past, and they’re not in damage control mode.
Or they’re not in this sort of emotional meltdown that people often find themselves in after a breakup. And instead, they’re able to actually have a meaningful, significant interaction with you that’s not about the past, it’s not about trying to get out of some sort of pain, but it’s really about intentionally choosing to be in a relationship with someone, intentionally choosing to get back together with someone.
And that is a much more powerful and much more effective way to create a new, long-lasting relationship with your ex.
Don’t think that it’s a bad thing if your ex has moved on, it can actually be a very, very, very good thing.
The next thing that I want to bring up is that when you’re getting back together with your ex if they’ve moved on, what you want to make sure that you’re doing is that you are focusing on connecting into here.
That is to say
#1. focus on creating interactions that are meaningful in the present moment.
Oftentimes, and again, this goes back to a lot of those superstitions out there, but people think that they need to revive the past. They need to send out text messages that are like, “Hey, remember the good old days back when we did this or back when this happened or whatever.”
And sure that can be nice sometimes, that can put a smile on people’s faces sometimes, but if you’re trying to connect with an ex who has moved on, what you want to do is you want to focus on the connection, and the bonding that’s happening right now in the present moment, rather than trying to pull them back into the past and say,
“Remember the good old days.” I’m sure the good old days were good, but we want to create something compelling for them to actually enjoy right now.
Something compelling for them to want to actually spend more time with us, not just reviving the past, resuscitating the past, resurrecting the past, or any other R words that happen to mean the same thing.
We want to actually create something new, and refreshing, and revitalizing, if I can use some more R words in the present moment.
So that’s what you want to do.
You also want to
#2. make sure that your relationship & your dynamic between one another feels good.
Make sure you’re focused on the present moment, but you also want it to be something that feels good now, feeling good can be a bit of a confusing concept for a lot of people.
When I say things like have a positive interaction, they think, “Oh, that means we’re laughing and having a great time and all of that.”
And sure that can be an example of a positive interaction or something that does feel good.
But what I really mean is something that is emotionally enriching, something that you can have interaction together, and you can leave that interaction feeling as if you know them a little bit deeper, or they know you a little bit deeper, or there’s been something shared between the two of you. And that can, again, look like
- joking around,
- all of that stuff
It can absolutely look like that, but it can also look like crying.
It can also look like emotional confessions where you say, “Hey, remember that time that this one thing happened? Well, what I never told you was that I did it because of this, or that I was hoping that this would happen.” Or something like that.
So don’t think that an interaction that feels good has to necessarily be about optimism and happiness and laughing and all of that.
It can, but if you’re just emotionally enriching one another and being honest and vulnerable and transparent, then that is really what I am primarily talking about, but you do want to make sure that your interactions feel good in that capacity.
#3. show them that they are not going back to the same old situation.
Next up, you want to show them that if the two of you were to get back together, that it’s not going to be just back to the same old, same old, right? We talked about how you don’t just want to recreate the good old days, but you also want to show them that they’re not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
So I’m going back to old faithful here.” But that’s not very inspiring. That is actually how I and my ex got back together the first time that we broke up😢. That is a story for another day, but it’s not really very inspiring and that is ultimately what led to our second breakup😢, which is also a story for another day.
But you need to demonstrate to your ex that they’re not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of.
If there was an anger issue or something that caused the two of you to break up in the first place, how can you demonstrate to them that anger is no longer an issue? Think about that, okay? Also, you want to take it one step at a time.
Oftentimes people can think that they need to cram the whole journey of getting back together into one conversation, one interaction, one text message, sometimes even.
And that’s, number one, a lot of pressure for you to get it right with that one text message, that one conversation, that one phone call, that one email or letter or whatever.
I’m not going to pretend that it’s not somehow possible to pull out of the ether some miraculous combination of words that could get your ex to come back together with you in one interaction, but it’s probably not going to happen.
So, just be okay to just take it one step at a time, instead of trying to say, “Okay, my ex doesn’t like me. How can I talk to them today to make them want to get back together with me this afternoon?” But instead, say, ” What can I do to just move us one step closer?” Maybe that’s getting them to talk to me. Okay, great.
They’re talking to me. How can I actually create a little bit more emotional depth? We can just move a little step closer that way.
Okay. What’s the next step? How can we have another conversation that creates a little bit more emotional depth and trust? Okay, great.
Another step that way. How can we move it a little bit closer? One more step, one more step, one more step until eventually. Okay, great. Now we’re back together.
So start to, as they say, in the personal development world, chunk things down a little bit so that you can start to look at the individual steps along the way. And of course, don’t worry about rebounds.
I know that we’re talking about how to get your ex back when they have moved on. But you know, for me, moving on is really about the emotional things that are happening under the surface of like, “Okay, I’m not a total train wreck anymore.
But even if your ex is in a rebound relationship, don’t worry about it. You just have to focus on the emotional connection. Focus on all the things that we’ve talked about earlier on in this post.
Focusing on the connection here rather than reviving the past, making the interactions feel good, showing them that it’s different, s and of course taking it one little step at a time. Anyway, hope that helps you out. If so please consider sharing with your friends.