Hey guys, I want to bring up a topic that’s not really a happy topic, but it’s something I think that’s gonna help you in your relationship.
You know that feeling when you have a fight with your partner or argued about something they said, and you just wanted to hurt them? You just wanted to go for the jugular with your words, not your actions, but you wanted them to feel as bad as you felt right then? The best relationships and the worst ones both struggle with those times.
However, the good relationships they find out ways they can calm that feeling down right away – to stop the fight – to stop the damage. Here’s what they do. They practice some quick calming techniques.
So, If this situation happens to you and your partner more than you’d like, you need more ways to calm down. The first thing you’re going to do is
have some kind of a timeout or something
so you can say, “You know what, this isn’t going anywhere, let’s put it on a shelf. Let’s give ourselves ten minutes. You know a couple of hours to calm down.”
During that time when you told them you need a break, journal and write everything down you’re feeling. That’s going to prevent you from having to say it to them. And if you’re in therapy, it’s going to help your therapist.
Take a walk, take a jog, go to yoga,
do some stretches, do some deep breathing, pray, listen to music, think. Begin thinking of them as a peer – someone who’s a friend. This person wants peace like me. This person feels like me. This person has a heart like me. This person loves me. The more you can identify with your sameness, the less likely you’re going to go attack them.
When you do start talking about it, rather than telling them how they made you feel, which is never going to work well, just go to them and say,
“I just can’t help it. I’m so upset because I felt hurt when I heard this.”
Don’t try to give them the responsibility to make up. It’s yours, too, and you have to be honest about your feelings.
The more couples can stop the craziness of the fight, take time out, take their time and then return., the easier they can go after and figure out a solution. The happier they are as a couple and the more confident they get as a couple because you start going,
“Hey, we’re a team. We figured this out, and if we can figure this problem out, we can figure out others.”
It’s just my mojo moment to help you live the healthiest relationship.